canceled

In the last few weeks, online I have been accused, tried and found guilty by a jury of public opinion...

In May 2023 I wrote an essay for Plain Values magazine about the cancel culture and in it I wrote,

“Because I have a considerable online presence and am human, I completely expect to be canceled sooner or later. I don’t think it’s possible to be someone who has a positive story and following to not fall from digital grace at one time or another. It’s bound to happen…”.

And so it has.

In the last few weeks, online I have been accused, tried and found guilty by a jury of public opinion... and canceled.

And what is sad is that with all these attacks on my character, I have had no one from any of these news sources reach out to me personally or ask me a single thing about the the acccusations that are being leveled against me.

They just report whatever they choose to say, or someone else says, as truth, and the public runs with it, and pretty soon Facebook, Instagram and other social media platforms are overrun with rumors, stories, gossip, and hateful comments directed at me personally by the thousands.

And while that's all that has been happening... one-by-one many of the events, and the writing jobs I had that were on my schedule have been canceled, along with of course... me. Very quickly, people began to distance themselves from me. Unsure whether what they've heard or seen online might be true, and even if it's not, they need to make sure they don't personally get caught in any of the crossfire directed at me.

All that said… I don’t feel canceled.

I feel the opposite of that. While all this has been taking place online, here at our farm in our actual physical lives, we’ve been having the greatest time settling into our new life as a married couple and family (it has honestly reminded me a lot of the first few months or so of the COVID pandemic here in our small town. If you didn't have a TV on, or weren't keeping up with all the terrifying news reports online, you wouldn't even know it was happening).

Here in our daily lives, Rebecca has continued to turn our old farmhouse into our new home, baking sourdough, canning tomatoes and pickling okra with her friend Amy....

And I've been working on some new songs that I've been writing and doing a little 'pickling' of my own by setting up a pickle-ball court in the concert hall. And we've been having a wonderful time playing in the evenings with family and friends, during all the down-time between Hall concerts, which these days is quite a bit.

Indy's been having lots of fun doing 5th grade homeschooling with Rebecca, who she has been calling Mama now for about 6 weeks. She's also been going to a weekly weaving class, piano lessons, and has started a homeschool co-op geography class, which she calls 'joggery', with some other kiddos from our area.

And here at our farm middle-Tennessee, as the weather has been cooling down and Fall is on it's way, we've been eating most of our meals on the back porch and taking long walks together as the sun sets.

So, again. If this is what being canceled feels like... it's not as bad as I thought. Or more likely, since I am a whole lot less concerned about my online reputation, than I am about my actual character, I haven't let it bother me too much. Mostly because I know that none of what is being said is true.

First off, the only thing I’m guilty of is being part of a family that isn’t perfect - much like yours I would imagine. And our family struggles aren’t something that just happened this summer. We’ve always been a work-in-progress, and I feel fairly certain we always will be. There are things that my older daughters and I need to work out together. Right now we're at an impasse on how that's ever going to happen.

I drove down to Florence, AL where they live about a week and a half ago and knocked on Heidi's door with two bouquets of peace lilly flowers, and hopes that we might be able to sit down and talk, or better yet, I'd just sit and listen to whatever they wanted to say and maybe have the chance to give them a hug and at least try to show them how much I love them. But, even though their cars were in the driveway and they were inside, no one answered. So I left the flowers on the doorstep and drove back home. On the drive back I received a text from Heidi that said, "we are only willing to talk with you with a licensed therapist or attorney or both."

And that is where the impasse comes in. They believe that it's the job of a someone with a doctorate, law, or masters degree to repair what is broken in our family. And I believe that it's our job. Our responsibility to put our differences aside, sit down together as adults and do everything in our power to fix what is broken and mend what needs repaired. To do our best to "understand, more than being understood' and 'forgive, more than be forgiven', as the great St Francis of Assisi once wrote.

And so, until that day it seems... they will continue to accuse, and do all they can to destroy what's left of my reputation. And I - well, my plan is to keep loving them. And keep praying for and believing in the bigger plan that is unfolding right now. God will use - even this- for His glory. I have no doubt in the world.

In the meantime, just know that Indiana is doing super well. She's everything but, neglected. I have never, nor will I ever, allow her to be in an unsafe situation. Indy's surrounded by love and people who love her.

Thank you to all the family, friends and folks everywhere who have been supportive and an encouragment to us the last few weeks. From our the neighbors who know us well, to the sweet lady who stopped me in checkout line in Home Depot and said "I've been reading about you online...and all that stuff they're saying is silly. You just keep doing what you're doing".

This last few weeks, if nothing else, have been enlightening in so many ways. First off, of the fickle-ness of public opinion and how quickly it can be swayed. The distance between someone loving and hating you is much less than you think. Secondly, you can only be canceled if you give others the power to do it. If you have a clear conscience, put down your phone or computer and keep whistling while you walk. Like your 15 minutes of fame, your moment of infamy will soon fade too.

And lastly - contrary to what they say is the motive behind all this - the person my daughters, and everyone is hurting the most is our little one. I'm a grown man and you can hurt me or drag my name through a football field of mud all you want... but Indiana is a precious, innocent ten-year-old little girl and doesn't deserve any of this. One day when she grows up, the terrible things her big sisters, and others, have been saying online will still be out there and those untrue words will hurt her, and not make her life any easier or better. People will look at her differently - not just because of her almond eyes - but because she has been used as a pawn in sad game of "she said, he said".

So, if you must continue throwing mud...please, keep Indiana's name and picture out of it.

Blessings,

- rory

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PS: in case you'd like to read the piece I wrote for Plain Values a year and a half-ago, I've included it below...

cancel culture

May 2023 Plain Values column - written by Rory Feek

You can hardly go a week without hearing in the news about someone who has been caught in a lie or some facts about his or her past have been revealed, and they’ve been “canceled”…

In the last decade or so, there’s been story after story of celebrities and influential people, along with regular everyday folks, who have been “canceled.” You can hardly go a week without hearing in the news about someone who, no matter what their life was before–what good they may have done in the long or short life they’ve lived so far–has been caught in a lie, or some facts about his or her past have been revealed, and all that they’ve done or been is suddenly null and void, replaced, it seems, by an unforgivable sin or story that now becomes the sum total of their life.

I’ve watched this happen again and again and seen the damage it does, not only to the people who have often made a mistake or struggled with something that they couldn’t get a grip on but also to people who may not have done anything wrong at all, or the facts haven’t been checked before the story is spread. Either way, they are judged guilty by the media, mostly by quick viral-spreading of social media, until proven innocent. And, if and when that happens, and they’ve made reparations, or the truth has been revealed, the news has often moved on to the next attention-grabbing headline, and the real story never gets through.

I can’t help but wonder what if, instead of being a “cancel culture,” where we’re so quick to condemn and forget any good thing anyone has ever done, we were a “redemption culture,” where our first thought was of their pain, of their struggle, and were quick to forgive and believe in the hope of their tomorrow.

What would happen if the most virally spread news stories, the things that caught and kept our attention, were stories of people who have made mistakes in the past and are working hard to become new? If our concentration was on the good that people are doing, in spite of the missteps or bad choices they’ve made in the past. What if our focus was on tagging someone redeemed and worthy rather than canceled and unworthy?

I’m not saying there aren’t some horrendous things that have been discovered about people or that damage hasn’t been done that should be accounted for. I just think as a culture, especially for us as Christians, we should remember that Jesus was all about repentance and redemption. It’s why He came and why He died. To take away the stains of our sin and make our hearts pure and white as the snow. When I became a Christian, every single mistake, bad choice, or wrong turn I ever made was forgiven in an instant. I was no longer defined by what I did, or who I was, but instead by who I am now, and who He’s going to make me into in the future. Ironically, God’s message is exactly the opposite of the message our cancel-culture sends.

Another concern, especially in this digital age where information and misinformation spread like wildfire with the push of a smartphone button, is that it creates fear in all of us. Fear that we won’t live up. That we’ll make some mistake, big or small, and be found out and humiliated and ultimately canceled. Unfollowed. Deleted. And that is a tragedy.

First off, it’s incredibly sad that so many of our young people seem to find so much of their personal validation in the number of followers they have on Instagram, or how many views a photo or video they’ve shared has received, but also that they now have to live in fear of something that, honestly, most of the time isn’t even real. I’ve been taking a sabbatical from the web for nearly a year now, and if somewhere during that time I was canceled, I’m not sure I would even know about it. I’m sure my friends or family would let me know and be worried for me, but since my day-to-day life–my real life–isn’t about clicks or metrics or followers, I doubt it would change much.

Because I have a considerable online presence and am human, I completely expect to be canceled sooner or later. I don’t think it’s possible to be someone who has a positive story and following to not fall from digital grace at one time or another. It’s bound to happen. Whether what they say or report is true or not, it doesn’t really matter online. But in the actual world, it does. And luckily, I’ve been forgiven for my shortcomings, and I will be forgiven again. When I make mistakes in the future–and I will–I hope I’m quick to apologize and repent and start over with a clean slate. And though I know God will forgive me, I hope those around me, who know me and love me, will also forgive me and stand beside me as I begin again, new and redeemed.

And when those around me fall, as I know they will, I want to be the kind of friend who’ll stand beside them, a friend who’ll brush them off and walk with them til they get their footing again. I don’t want to be someone who’ll judge them, turn away, and leave them in their greatest time of need.

I have always loved the word redemption and the power that it has in all our lives. It reminds me that it doesn’t matter what our yesterday was… our tomorrow can be different. Each and every day, we have the opportunity to turn from our mistakes and walk a new, better path. And I’m always watching for stories of redemption, whether in movies like Hoosiers, where coach Norman Dale overcomes his stormy past, or my nephew Mikel who, after years of struggling with alcohol, gets sober and begins building a life he never dreamed was possible. But both of those, and all, redemption stories have to have a moment where a person hits absolute rock bottom. And it’s only there, at that moment, that they can rise from the ashes to become what they were always born to be.

The truth is when I hear a story about a celebrity or someone who has fallen from grace online, someone that the world has canceled, my heart breaks for them. My first thought is of the opportunity and blessing in this low moment because I know what an incredible story can follow it.

The next time you hear a story about someone being canceled, try to remember that we are all human, and we’re bound to fall short while we’re here on earth. Chances are they are like you and me, and they’ve done some good things in their lifetime, maybe even some incredible things, but we are all going to make mistakes. This is the moment when their humanity can be turned into hope. The question isn’t if they have–or we have–walked a sin-free path. What really matters is how quickly we get back on track when we wander off.

Let’s not be quick to cancel. Instead, let us be quick to forgive. For this is how redemption stories are born.